On "Secretary Spread"

I totally get why people eat all day at office jobs. I understand how folks succumb to something my mother likes to refer to as "secretary spread."

In layman's terms, "secretary spread" is a common condition among office employees caused by an increase in consumption and a decrease in motion. The individual's ass grows, spreading across her desk chair (on wheels), which, as the condition progresses, she leaves less and less, with the exception of trips to the office kitchen or vending machine. The condition is more common among women and is both progressive and contagious and can be, in extreme cases, debilitating. Secretary spread is primarily attributed to boredom or stress, causing one to "eat until s/he feels better." Doesn't everyone in the office look the happiest when lunchtime rolls around? Known cures include ditching the comfort food for plain green salads, walking during lunch breaks, and switching to light beer at happy hour. Preventative methods include packing healthy lunches and snacks, walking to the file cabinet instead of rolling in your chair, and getting your ass the gym at the crack of dawn because by the end of the day, you are just too damned tired to go.

Having been awake since 5 AM to work out, it is 10:38 AM at the office and I believe I have held out long enough to enjoy my mid-morning snack. These are the things I think about.