Alcohol, it's not just for breakfast.

Last evening, I fell asleep on the metro ride home from the bar.

Sorry, let me correct that.

Early this morning, I passed out on the metro ride home from the 3 bars and 1 comedy show.

Alone, I woke up when a passenger told me we had reached the final stop and I needed to get off the train. Extremely drunk and only partially conscious, I stumbled off, more than confused. Fuck, I was at the last stop in MARYLAND. OK, I thought, just catch the train going in the other direction and go home.

So, I waited. No train. What time did trains stop running on a Friday? I had no idea, at that moment I was too drunk to remember my own name.

I approached a metro worker and said- let's be honest- I slurred, "whaattiiime doo trainsstopp runninng I don'tseee nothher traainn acomingg, sssooonnn...?"

Metro worker: "What?"

Me: : Blink ::

Metro worker: "Where are you going?"

Me: "Takkomaa. Felll assleeep..."

Metro worker: "Get back on that train and STAY AWAKE."

Me: "Oh itsss goinngg to goo backwardss???"

Metro worker, after a brief pause: "GET ON THE TRAIN AND DON'T FALL ASLEEP."

So, I stumbled back on the train. Don't fall asleep, don't fall asleep, don't fall asleep. Did my adventure stop there? Oh, of course not.

The car I chose to board contained a passed out individual- a young male, around my age, perhaps a year or so younger. In my intoxicated state, I made it my mission to wake this guy up.

I'm not sure if there was another passenger in the train car with us, but it must have been an odd scene. At first, I just slurred "HEEEY" very loudly. No response. I proceeded to clap in his face for about 30 seconds. Nothing. Finally, I slugged him in the shoulder. He opened his eyes wide and I saw that they were red and bloodshot. I sat down in the seat in front of him and told him he had fallen asleep.

The following sequence of events are a blur (which I only partially blame alcohol for) but give me reason to suspect that E may have been a player in his fucked up state.

Suddenly, he was conscious and sitting on the seat next to me, his arm around me, staring intently into my eyes. Uh...? Hi? Our conversation on the metro ride back, which may or may not have been traveling backwards, consisted of him trying to convince me to come back to his place to get it on and me telling him my name was Jessie. The guy was intent on us hooking up and I was intent on creating an alias. Somewhere in that exchange, I provided him my digits and looking back at drunken texts, I read:

Him: "Jesse?"

Me: "No... Jesse?"

Him: "Haha, no, Mike."

I was too drunk to give out my name.

Needless to say, I made it home last night, alone. I woke up early, with a vague and blurred memory of the random adventure that was my metro ride home. I wondered if I would hear from "Mike."

I did.

At about 11 AM I received a text that said "I have a girlfriend Haha".