Why do I run?

Because I feel fucking cool when I do.

Since I quit dance after high school, running has become my choice of exercise. This is odd because in high school I attempted track and quit 4 times in 2 weeks. I ended up assisting in managing the team's scores because I wasn't allowed to quit anything. Yeah, I felt reeally cool.

It's somewhat ironic that that is what running does for me now- makes me feel cool. I started concentrating on running freshman year of college when the freshman 15 began adding up and adding to my waistline. Running for me, started on the treadmill at my college gym. I picked the treadmill because it seemed the most intense of the cardio workouts and I'm competitive when it comes to fitness. I remember the first time I stepped on that treadmill- I was sucking wind after half a mile. One mile was torture to get through. Turns out I wasn't in such great shape and it wasn't so easy to feel good, competitively.

For whatever reason, I kept up work on the treadmill and it was such a sense of accomplishment when I was able to run a mile without sucking wind. One mile turned into two, two miles turned into three, and so on. I have since also completed a handful of 5k's, as running has extended to the outdoor course.

My favorite running story is this: I used to run outside with my very tall, long-legged, roommate (at the time). Being so long-legged, her strides were much wider than mine; I would have to run to keep up with her jog. It was the summertime, and we decided to run down to campus. I was running fast to keep up pace with her, and we were rounding a bend along a busy street, when my shoe lace got caught on an uprooted wire fence. The damn thing caused my foot to fly out from under me. I was totally not expecting this- I was running full speed one minute and eating dirt the next minute. Not to mention, I had fallen in front of a huge line of traffic. This was extremely embarrassing and I'm positive people in their cars were laughing. Initially, I wanted to cry. I stood up and took a deep breath. My knees and hands were bleeding dirty blood. My roommate asked me if I wanted to walk back home. I considered this- but I decided to finish. I made sure all of the people in their cars saw me pick up my pace, instead of limp back home. I finished the run.

Another sense of accomplishment (oddly).

Whenever I finish a run, I feel accomplished. Whenever I finish a run that I ran longer or faster, I feel more than accomplished. I beat myself. This is another reason I enjoy running so much- it allows me to compete against myself. It's a time when I feel in my own head and in the zone with myself. I feel focused and whole. It's me against me.

Today I went for a run outside, which I have not done all winter. It was a nice change in challenge. Plus, I like to think that the people I run past in their cars or on the sidewalk look at me with a sort of admiration- perhaps even envy. They are impressed, for sure. This is probably a sick fantasy and I realize that. But it helps keep me running, so I will let myself have it.

Give me the treadmill or the outdoors. I'll run either way.

People have asked me numerous times why I like to run. And I never tell them all of this- it's too long winded and reflective. I usually respond weakly, "I don't know, its a good exercise." That response, though weak, is usually sufficient. I have been thinking about the answer to this question lately, however, because I encountered an individual who was not sufficed by my response. The issue was pushed,"Why run? You're not going anywhere." "Why compete with yourself? You should compete with other people."
I sort of just gave up responding after that.

I've had some time to think, and, the more I think- to sum up- I run because it makes me feel good, all around. I feel good about myself as a runner. I feel cool being able to say I'm a runner and cool when I'm running in front of other people. Even when I fall down, I feel cool when I pick myself back up and finish, bloody knees and all. I have a comedic war story to tell.

So that's what I will say next time I am asked why the hell I run. I will say because it makes me feel cool. And if that's not enough, I'll challenge the challenger to a race.